The Vagina Adventures

Burlesque will get you laid...or really flirted with

2009-09-15T16:08:00.001-07:00

HyperGender
Originally uploaded by editrixie

It is that time again to ignore the negative and embrace the positive in my life. Burlesque for me is where it's at, it's what drives me, it's what turns me on. There is no other exquisite pleasure than to co-produce my show and consistently challenge myself to learn new choreography, make new costumes and bring it each and every single time I am on stage. I love the feeling of buying new fabrics in the store, watching a flat piece of sequin, stretch, or hologram turn into a beautiful dress, or a pantsuit! I love the feeling of getting down and dirty, sewing my heart off and the pains, trials, tribulations and accomplishment that I feel when I do.

I put so much love into this that it shows, and it turn, shows off my personality.

Before when I was a fledgling young performer, I couldn't get ass to save my life...now it's different. I get flirted with all the time, and I am humble about it but at the same time, revel in the feeling. It's an ego booster. I always make sure to thank each and every compliement, especially if it's towards my work. My work IS ME...if you want to get to know ME, you have to get to know my work.

There have been a few times where I could have bedded an audience member because of an act that I did, and although I never partook in such debauchery (was in a relationship most of the time) I've always kinda thought it a hot fantasy. A random stranger coming to a show, walking up to you afterwards and starts flirting, you two hit it off, and next thing you know...and invitation for an after show drink..and after a few drinks, another invite..one more seductive.

I've thought about this fantasy alot in my career. What it would be like or feel like to take home an audience member. How would I feel the morning after...would it take away from the burlesque fantasy that I have created....what consequences would occur from it.

Sometimes women get too intimidated by me when I'm "N" and others want to make out with me in bathroom stalls. There is that rockstar persona that I have grown to love at my shows, and I love to entertain the audience...they DESERVE to be entertained!!!!!

I was thinking about writing some burlesque erotica...maybe for Best Sex Bloggers..who knows...but it's definately a thought that has crossed my mind...and maybe cross my bedroom one day.

Moving...

2008-11-12T15:52:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, new and old readers alike this blog will be moving!

Moving where you ask?

to it's OWN domain

Go to www.thevaginaadventures.com!

xoxo

N

Microfantasy Mondays!

2008-11-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

I really like this idea from Sweltering Celt, also having so many people contribute just a few sentences and share themselves in the community is an amazing thing all together.

Read more about the project here and contribute your own fantasy! This week's theme is Do-It-Yourself BDSM!

"It was a long day at work and after a hellacious commute complete with screaming babies, obnoxious uses of one's cell phone, and bumper to bumper traffic, I finially turned the keys into my apartment door, and walked in. I was in no mood today for anything other than a long hot bath and sleep.

She was there, waiting for me for a good amount of time. She had a few scented candles lit, and a black slipcover made out of heavy duty upholstery fabric. There was a moment where both my tired look and her looks of desire almost made the night end very quickly.

Quickly sensing the days frustration, she runs over to me and takes my things, carefully putting everything away in it's rightful place. She takes off my coat and hangs it on the rack and begins to walk me towards the couch. She sits me down and begins to massage my shoulders, easing the tension. As I begin to relax, I notice the black slipcover, and think to myself how I have never noticed it before in our home. She outfitted it with several restraints, mostly made up of our "at home" collection. Turning our living room couch into one giant bondage toy made my clit quiver with anticipation and my night...well let's just say it made my day seem nonexistent.....

-------------

Gosh i'm such a tease today! giggles

Shudder

2008-11-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

I sit here in my post-masturbation glow, still affected by the rush of my etherial like climax. My adrenaline is pushed way high, and I can still feel my heartbeat beat at an alarming rate. My hands still tingle from the strong vibrations placing itself on my clit making my fingertips feel indestructable. My juices still peering out, I allow it to run down my thigh before I wipe it away with my index finger, tracing the line up towards my glistening pussy. It is here and it is now that I feel like a goddess, that i feel like a woman.

I woke up early this morning, after a telemarketer called the apartment at around 8:30 this morning...on a SUNDAY morning! I was quite annoyed but woke up anyways and checked my email for a bit. Then it hit me...the rush of eroticism that dominates my brain 99% of my waking and dreaming life. Images flooding of women, of strap-on's, of pillows furiously being humped on. Delicate fingers inserting various holes all in perfect syncroncity. An orchestra of clits, asses and confident sexuality.

I cannot ignore it any longer.

I walk towards my bedroom and open the door. A rush of coldness envelops my naked body as I begin

to lie on my back in my bed, covering myself with my comforter. I grab a condom and place in over my

cock and place it down on my chair that i made into a nightstand. I want to properly work my body before

I am ready to take him.

Spreading my legs, I use my right hand to feel her, to feel how wet she is becoming. I start at the lips,

opening them ever so carefully exploring myself from inside. I have never wanted to be in myself so much.

I pull my hand closer to myself purposely hitting my clit. It makes me jump a bit for it sends chills up and down

my skin. I know it's time for something stronger.

I turn "it" on, it being the almost broken down Hitachi Magic Wand that I will soon have to replace. The cord

slightly disconnected itself so I have to hold it in a special way to make it work. I put away my vibe frustrations

and instead of fighting it, i make it work for me. I heat up the tennis ball like cover with my hand as it is cold,

and place it on my clit. I turn it on the lowest setting, allow my head to fall backwards onto my pillow and close my eyes.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The mixture between my hum's and the buzzing is almost the same, as if the two sounds blended into one. I start to

think about her, the one that I have a small crush on. I think about our strap-on experience, I think about her orgasming.

I think about her beautiful body as she relaxes and enjoys the pleasure I'm giving her. I think about running my hands all

down her body, analyzing every inch with my touch. I think about her sweet kisses and now I feel electrified every time I tasted

her lips.

I get a sweet almost sugar like feeling as I haven't fully materilized a "rough fucking session" in my head with her. I haven't

fully let her dominate me in my head, fully surrending to her. As the sugary fantasy ends, my mind starts to wander,

picking more elaborate and sadistic pleasures.

I picture myself in a room, one lit in a red light, almost like something out of a David Lynch film. The red jaquard print curtains

hang with an extravagant and dominating precense, almost taking over the room. There is a bed with similar linens, all in red. The room itself is a cross between a seedy hotel and a french bordello. My kind of place. I am wearing very little, but

the clothes that I carefully picked out speaks for itself. To start off with, I am wearing dangerously high heels in patent leather,

you know the ones that are super shiny like vinyl. Placed in the shoes, are my signature fishnets, held up only by a tiny vinyl garter belt with 6 garters. I love the look of multiple garters pressed flat against my ass and thighs, and no I am not wearing panties. I like the "less is more"

look, so I only accentuate the bottom with my vinyl bikini bra that has zippers that can zipper down and reveal my rose colored nipples.

My short black hair is slicked down, making me look like I could be in a fetish version of the musical Chicago. My lips are dressed with a sharp red gloss

and my eyes are done almost cat-like as it is another signature look of mine. It's femme fetish and for me, in this bed, it works.

It is there on the bed that he is waiting for me. Not a man, but my unamed butch lover. My lover has no name, no face, and hardly any clothes on at this point.

The only thing that he is wearing, is a strap-on with a beautifully cut 9 inch vixskin. He motions me to come closer to him and I follow.

As I approach, he stands to the left side of me, and his lips move closer to my ear. I think he is going to kiss me but instead he whispers very slowly

but succinctly "On Your Hands And Knees". I comply, still growing wet with every minute that my magic wand works it's magic on my body. I get

on my hands and knees on the bed and as I begin to insert my silicone lover into my pussy, my fantasy lover thrusts his entire manhood in one blow.

He pounds me with an energy of 20 men, all vying for a peice of my body. With his left arm, he cradles my stomach to get a better hold of me, with his right

hand, he clenches my hip for even more support. He has full control of me, and I am letting him, I am giving him complete permission to do whatever he wants

to me. The extreme butch/femme dynamic makes my body convulse, makes it beg for more. I want my butch lover to claim me, I want him to possess me, I want

him to love me.

With all this mental masturbation, my physical masturbation cannot hold much longer. The more I think about my butch fantasy, the more I want to cum. I try to hold myself

back, but my body is starting to take over, take control. The final moment is when he switches positions, taking me missionary, eyes staring at one another as our bodies meld into one.

and it happens, the fantasy, the expert manipulation of my hands using the magic wand and the dildo..it all comes crashing down, creating a perfect balance.

I almost feel an out of body feeling when it fully hits, my body lifts itself up to the point where I am balancing it between my head and my feet. I scream out in this beautiful agony and

begin to shudder.I shudder for what feels like a lifetime. I shudder for him. I shudder for that amazing butch that will one day claim me in the real world. I shudder for the day we will

finially meet.....I shudder from it all.

Leo - A Sex Toy Review

2008-11-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

I met her in front of a prominent sex shop in NYC. She was incredibly nervous, anticipating her first steps into a world (or store) that she never experienced before. I took her by the hand and led her inside. I had been to this store countless times and today, with her in tow...i was to make a fantasy of mine become a reality.

As we were looking around, I spotted him. "He" stood 7" inches with 1-½" girth and was perfectly poised on the intricately designed shelfing unit. I almost blushed and forgot all about the girl I came in with. I walked up to him and let my hands envelop it. I wanted to play with him a little more but it would have been inappropriate to do so in the store. Instead I picked him up and began to examine him, almost analyze him. His Ivory Shimmer color had this opalescent sheen that hit with the right light, almost made it glow a bit.

"He" also was expertly manufactured by the highly reputable and recommended company Vixen Creations, who have been making premium silicone dildo's and plugs since 1992. Not only is the quality of the product outstanding, but they also come with a lifetime warranty. You really can't beat that!

I found out his name is Leo or more affectionately "Leo Vibe". Also in tow with his impressive size is the fact that he is curved just perfectly to hit your g-spot. Leo is in between a realistic and non-realistic dildo so lovers of cute or sparkly colored designs will love this! Dildo enthusiasts will also love the hollowed out base in which you can slip a tiny bullet vibrator. At first I was skeptical of the vibe's strength, but soon came to find out that it does employ a new dimension to dildo play.

The final test was bringing my Aslan Leather Pink Vinyl Glitter Harness with me to the store to test it's fit and it fit perfectly without the use of a ring to adjust it's size. The price (around $68 dollars) was not breaking the bank to badly and with the lovely girl in tow to help test it out, I had more than enough reasons to purchase it.

After purchasing and a long Q train ride to Brooklyn to her apartment, we began to undress and fit the harness around her beautiful naked body. Once that was done, I properly washed the dildo and slipped a condom onto it when we had it in place. I was about to introduce her to the world of strap-on fucking.

She mounted me in a missionary position and at first the motions were a little off balanced, but still was good enough to make me have my first orgasm ever with her. She asked me if we could change positions and when I gave her permission to do so, her motions because more controlled and intense and 3 more orgasms later...I was spent.

The dildo handled well, given that the girl had never tried it before, she learned quickly and was able to control it very well towards the end. I would highly recommend this product to beginners and experienced alike, especially with the vibrator function, which makes it easier for both parties to enjoy pleasure together.

My only gripe is that the vibrator battery is a watch battery and dies very quickly, but if that is the price to pay for many times well spent with this product, then I'm willing to invest!

The Girl With The BF

2008-11-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

Main Entry:: fe·tish
Variant(s):: also fe·tich \ˈfe-tish also ˈfē-\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: French & Portuguese; French fétiche, from Portuguese feitiço, fromfeitiço artificial, false, from Latin facticius factitious
Date:: 1613

1 a: an object (as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner ; broadly : a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence b: an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : prepossession c: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
I have many fetishes from your typical foot fetish to an extravagant fetish for latex clothing. While my clothing fetish has broken the bank in recent years, I do have to say that one fetish of mine in particular comes at no price at all.
Readers, I must confess....I have a BF, otherwise known as a "Butt Fetish"
The power of a supreme ass cannot be describe in words. It must be looked upon. The allure of that beautiful shape must be worshipped, licked, bitten, and caressesed. The roundness, the softness, the juicy tenderess of a perfect ass is magicial, even otherworldly.
If you have ever been near me, even in a small capacity, I have to admit that I probably checked out your booty. I'm very critical of the ass, making remarks such as..ooooh that's too flat..bummer or WOW look at the SHEER SIZE OF IT!
The bigger, the better for me. Once I almost lost my composure on the N train going to Astoria on an extremely crowded train when this woman ranging from a size 20 or 22 boarded the train at 14th street. I was standing there with my friend almost squishing each other like sardines in a can when all of a sudden I felt something brush up against my hip. I turned to see who it was and there behold the biggest most magnificent ass I have ever seen. It was like a shelf of ass, like you could put pictures of your family and some candles on it. There could be a fireplace underneath it as the family sits around it on a cold winter's night. I heard chantings and triumphant sounding music in my head, as if the heavens were shining down on it. A warm yellow glow encompassed the ass, almost making it look holy.
I must have had the wierdest look on my face because all of a sudden my friend's uproaring laughter woke me up out of my trance. My face probably turned bright red at that point as I sheepishly turned away and tried to start a random conversation with her still laughing at me all the while still trying to stare. She ended up getting over a few stops later and I resumed normaility.
It's these types of reactions that would start as early as my childhood that led me to believe there is something about that body part that particularly peaks my interest. The more lovers and relationships I partook in, the more feedback about my fetish were revealed to me through conversations with them. It's funny how I never realized it growing up.
I really don't know what to call this new girl that I am getting to know right now. All my friends are busting on me calling her my "girlfriend", but i start to feel squeamish whenever that word is mentioned, partly due to the fact that I'm still feeling this one out and I'm afraid of rushing.
Though I have mentioned it before, and I will probably mention it again and again and again, but she has the most fantastic, asstastic ass EVER!!!!! She let me have what i like to call "Quality Ass Time" or QAT for short. For 10 minutes, I got to spank, squeeze, bite and massage it. I mean her ass isn't why I'm coming back to her, it's all about her fantastic personality, but the ass is definately a bonus! Not to mention the fact that she is an amazing kisser whose lips I could taste for hours.
Although I may be an intellectual lover, or just plain out nerd, I still have my quirks, or my "fetishes". Though if it's legal and consentual, I say explore them and celebrate them instead of repressing them. Celebrate the ass rather than cover it up, and remember to always use lube!

Bottom

2008-11-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

Pleasing my mistress

That’s what fuels me inside

Spending hours creating works of art

Excited

Wanting her to approve

Hoping that she will like it

She opens it up

I grow nervous at her reaction

Teeth chattering

Palms sweaty

She makes a slight remark

And I am crushed

Sometimes I would like to be in control for once.

Princess Charming - A Fairy Tale

2008-11-06T06:02:00.001-08:00

I think I’m…

Was all that she said

But I knew what It meant

I dreamed something like this would happen

I’ve been in that position

I was the ONLY one in that position

Forever

An eternity it seemed like

Now it was happening to me

I was so nervous

She wanted to say it

But held back

Almost like a dream come true

My princess charming

Has finally come to take me to the castle.

Proposition 8

2008-11-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

I really haven't tackled current affairs in my blog and left it pretty limited to smut and more talk of the smutty actions that I partake it but after finding out about Proposition 8 being voted on, I feel that I have a responsibility to say something.

I am a 29 year old queer femme (or femme-ish, i do have butch qualites). I guess I define myself as femme by my gender pronoun which is a "she". I'm single though to tell you the truth I am more hating it than loving it.

I am highly sexualized, but incredibly intellectual and full of wit, which does intimidate fellow queers. In addition to being a giant nerd (mostly of pop culture and trivia), and burlesque performer (which also intimidates future lovers), I don't take myself seriously. I'm mostly asinine and silly and have a love affair with giggling and the word giggle itself.

I have gone through two horrible breakups this year, my problem is that I rushed and that I love to be in love. I love to cuddle up to a beautiful woman after we make love. Don't get me wrong, I love to fuck, but making love to someone, having them inside you and staring at you sharing that beautiful moment...that is what it is all about for me.

A thousand and one tears this year have been cried over women that have broken my heart. I have become or at least attempted to become jaded just so I wouldn't have to feel anymore, but that is truly the worst thing that you can become.

Even with this one girl who i am kinda seeing or at least at this point getting to know better, I am still scared of it blowing up in my face, and am taking things at an alarming slow speed. She may be the one, she may not be, but what I do know that I want is companionship, i want a partner, a lover, a best friend.

I want to be able to find someone, that amazing person that I am truly and deeply in love with and propose to her. I want to have that option.

What WOULD happen if such a thing were to come into it's own for me? Especially if I lived in California.

I wouldn't have a chance, my civil rights would be blocked because of laws and propositions. I will never have the chance to marry the woman i want.

Now yes there are states in which you can do this, but it would only be legal in THAT state and until NY State or NJ for that matter pass that law, it wouldn't count...at least for me.

I want to get married, have that special partner adopt my fat kitties and grow old together. I want to have that option.

It is so easy for heterosexual couples to get married, and even easier to get divorced. Why can't me, a beautiful lesbian with so much love to give, be denied this?

I am so angry and so hurt that California, a place that advertises it's state as "Find Yourself Here", would play the "Indian Giver" game on civil rights for thousands if not millions of LGTBQ residents.

When will we have the chance to have the same rights as heterosexuals? Why are we CONSTANTLY denied and CONSTANTLY have to fight for our rights? Hasn't this gone long enough?

November 4th was an HISTORIC day, and people do want change. As I was watching Obama's post-election winning speech, he made this beautiful mention. “Young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled” He said the word "Gay" it as if it was the most natural thing to say, as if one would say hot dog, or peanut butter. Clearly he get's it, why can't the rest of us?

Why can't we all get it?

Change

2008-11-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

We definately need it....congrats to Obama!

In other news, I found out that Prop 8 was voted for in California....now all same-sex marriages between May 15th and November 4th have to fight with the Supreme Court to keep their marriages. It really is a shame. Plus I just found out that 51% of people living in San Francisco DIDN'T EVEN VOTE!!!! WTF! San Fran! You should be ashamed!

Many thanks to the 49% who did vote in SF!

Now we wait...1..20...2009

The Objectification Of Stripping

2008-11-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

So if you didn't know already, I am a burlesque performer here in the NYC area, really living in New Jersey of all places unfortunately. I have a strong love/hate affair with jersey in which the hate part usually wins when it comes to performing since I always have to leave so early to get there and leave so early to make sure I get home.

I enjoy what I do immensely, it's my livelihood. I treat it with respect and I hope that others treat it the same. However, we do not live in a perfect world and that isn't always the case.

Lately I have been dealing with objectification in greater amounts than usual. Hell I have been dealing with complete assholes if you don't mind me saying, and although I handle myself with composure and class, the thought of punching them in the face has crossed my mind more than a few times.

The one misconception of burlesque is that we are all sex-crazed exhibitionists. I have had those words put into a bullet and fired as ammunition on more than one occassion. I get treated less than a person becauase I'm considered a sex object. Sometimes it's fun to be fetishized in the bedroom, but I'm not looking for a one night stand, i'm looking for quality and endearment.

Now someone can successfully debate that using the slogan "The NC-17 of Burlesque" invites such behavior to which I can successfully debate that the slogan used is not for sexual shock value, but to demystify the objectification of what IS sexual. Of course not everyone will get my onstage persona and I don't expect them too, however I have the right to be treated with respect.

Men can be such offenders of objectification such as the one gentleman who thought it best to tell me he had an errection while watching me on stage. I simply responded with "I'm Gay" but it's not the point here that I'm trying to make. I've had men take pictures of me only to find out the ONLY shots published were ones of my breasts. I've had men relentlessly pursue me after performances that left me feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I've had men try to TOUCH ME after performances! I''ve had men objectify me to the point where I am like a sex doll to them and nothing more.

It makes me uncomfortable and it makes me sick, but truthfully...men are not the biggest offenders. Women are.

Women will act sexual or try to be sexual but they "aren't naked" or they aren't "this or that" so it's ok. Women are the ones who will trash your body type on stage. Women are the ones who will talk behind your back negatively and then sweet talk you in person.

Not that this is a trash women only blog, but this is a wakeup call for me at least. It's to remind me that you're friends may not be your friends. That the movie Mean Girls may have made some sense!

Regardless, once again I have gone off topic. It's so hard to write when you have such A.D.D. such as mine. Maybe it will help me develop my writing style...a style that makes no sense whatsoever! LOL

What I am ATTEMPTING to convey in this blog is that objectification can come from anywhere, and sometimes we are not that safe. It has gotten worse, at least in my eyes recently to where everytime I perform, i get some douchebag all up in my face, or some girl giving me nasty looks. Just because I am confident and comfortable in my own sexuality and with regards to my own body, doesn't mean I should let people like that affect me. However it will happen and continues to happen, almost to the point where I feel sexually harassed.

The world in which we live in is still a puritanical one when it comes to sexuality and for some reason it never affected me when it came to coming into my OWN sexuality. I never felt ashamed, no matter how hard I beg future lovers to pee on me or fuck me in the ass. It's just who i am and I love myself.

I guess we all live in insecure times, and that insecurity makes others lash out onto those who are confident. Maybe me getting on stage and rocking it makes people hate me? I don't understand it, but it could be possible. Maybe it's my comfortability with my sexuality that gives the men those errections and makes it think that it's possible to date me? Who knows?

but seriously....will it end? It's kinda getting on my nerves!

The Secret Lives Of My Sex Life

2008-10-20T00:08:00.000-07:00

or as I like to put it, let's reopen that pesky file box cleverly hidden inside my head called "Who I've Slept With"

Now of course I won't divulge any real information, names, etc. I respect everyone's privacy, even if they turned out to be nutty, plus there would be legal ramifications...boo!

I gave them all "special" names, so that I could keep track of them, so I can archive them somewhere where it wouldn't be lost in a sea of "Does this one count?, How About This One?"

To date, I don't actually remember when I first lost my virginity to a girl. I remember my first girl kiss, but not my first girl fuck. It was all a haze back in my sex club phase so it get's foggy from time to time.

Ok so I remembered one more girl...I wonder how more I will remember along the way. I say we go down memory lane and take a look at what I have infiltrated thus far. Perhaps I'll write more details stories about them from time to time. These are the characters that built up my whole sexual history of who I truly am. They should not be discounted because of it's relation to sex, but should be looked at in a timeline perspective.

Toy Girl

She could have been my first real girl fuck other than that finger threesome i got into with two girls. I love toy girl. TG (for short) and i used to play around a super long time ago, and it was with her that I experienced mutual masturbation for the first time, and boy oh boy was it fun! I actually still bring this memory up when i masturbate and it never fails to get me off!

Scorpio Psychotic

She was fun, she was wet, she went batty after our second time fucking...even Toy Girl warned me against this one. The best was after we ended our sex affair, she told me that the only reason that she hooked up with me was because she read a blog that i wrote about not getting any and felt bad for me...oh boo hoo!!!!! Le Sigh

Side Note: This is only the beginning of the assholes I have dated and fucked over the years.

The Event Girl

She was one of the first girls I fell in love with, and fell for her I did...HARD! Like most of the girls I was attracted to at the time, she was stuck up, self centered and had a killer body....we ended up going to a sex club together and partaking in an orgy, after which our friendship died a most horrible death. At least the sex was fun....

Orgy Girl

Part Two of the Orgy, I went down on this girl...total ONS (One Night Stand)..but fun...great tasting!!! :D

Submit Girl

Girl I fucked on a swing sex chair at a lesbian sex club...took her viginity by vaginally fisting her....giggles

Virgin Girl

Friend whose virginity I took. Lot's of fun...got amazing reviews of my work afterwards from other people..is still good peeps!

Butch One Night Stand Girl/Boy/?????

Met the butch and Snapshot, she took me to her Park Slope abode, had very bad sex...eep! Like put LUBE on your dick!!!!!!

The Fuck Buddy Girl

Hookup that I met on FACEBOOK of all places! Was cool, had hot sex at the LGTB Center in NYC. Then turned batty, was convinced that I gave her a STD even though i've been tested over and over and over and over again and STILL come up negative! I even have the certificate of health to prove it! Also wanted to go out with me but refused to be my girlfriend because I do burlesque. Huh??? How does that even begin to make sense?????? Le Sigh

The Virgoian He/She

What can I say about this one...the ONLY amazing thing about this was the sex...hands down. I came better, i came fast...I just CAME in general! I learned ALOT about myself sexally, what I like, what get's me off...etc It was a great learning experience but unfortunately came at a heavy price of guilt trips and me having to deal with the horrible actions of an alcoholic who hit rock bottom. After all the bullshit, after all the hurt, I still cared. I still reached out with open arms that were filled with love. Then I was told that after the last time we made love, that she knew that we weren't compatible. A bullshit line and ultimately made me realize that she never cared about me at all....another asshole in the books and this time..a coward! le sigh

The Anonymous Girl

Ok so this is a RECENT current...like a few days old fresh. She is the FIRST girl that I have slept with who is younger than me. I ALWAYS go after older women and never go after younger girls..but this one I like, and this one I'm still getting to know.

She got to know me pretty well, 4 orgasms later with a twist of female ejaculation. I made her ejaculate and orgasm twice and her orgasms are pretty fun to watch. Actually they really excited me. It was like watching a cataclysmic explosion, you see the calm before the storm, you see the winds begin to pick up speed, hear the crashing roars of thunder, feel a bit frightened at the intense lightening in the sky until at one point, you feel like the world just tumbled into your storm and scattered itself into millions of tiny pieces. All the while you are watching from a safe distance and watching with glee.

She is absolutely beautiful btw dear readers....very hot...and yummy...and delicious...and I must confess, I am writing this entry about her after I got myself off and had a lovely morning orgasm as usual. She possesses the most fantastic ass I have ever seen, like I could play with it all day long...hmm mmm I think the more I write, the more I will have to start playing with myse..........

ANYWAYS, the point is, I can see myself and how I have changed and progressed throughout these women, the women who make up my timeline, the women who I have learned from, and ultimately learned about myself, the magical 10 that actually thought I was worth a damn to conquer in bed. The very few that taught me how to relax and have amazing orgasms in bed, the ones who made me ejaculate, made me sing and scream for them. The ones who will always have a place in my clit.

Who says history has to be boring?

The Numbers Game...

2008-10-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

So...how many people have YOU been with?

This question always get's me, it's not that I'm ashamed or want to keep things a secret but difficulties arise when I actually start to go back and take a head count.

According to my calculations, 5 males entered me between the timeframe of 18-22. However 10 females rocked my world between 21 and on. Somehow I always thought i was in the 17-18 total range, shows you how amazingly talented I am at math!

These do seem like low numbers...quite low...it even seems...pathetic!

Now I do have to calculate the fact that before I was rockin' and rollin' with the females since my coming out back in december, I didn't have sex for 4 years prior to that during my transitional "am i queer am i not" phase. However before that, there was my "sex club" phase, and there were some other encounters during that time and before that time that puzzles me.

Now here comes the tricky part. What actually constitutes the number of sexual partners counted? What constitutes the naming of someone in that list? Does it have to be full on full sex? Or could it be a random affair with fingers?

A discussion (or more like a friendly debate) ensued on this topic about a month ago with a certain ex of mine. She was adamant that things like blowjobs or heavy petting in sex clubs counted in my numbers. I on the other hand was on the opposition, adamant that it wasn't. Things like blowjobs don't count.

Then I realized if I actually DID count these Miscellanious category, that my numbers would be GREATLY changed from a virginal 15 to close to my 30's! Eeeep!

Ok so now i'm trying to do a full count, because I never counted all that...because it never counted in my head...and now i can't remember which makes my angelicness seem like the devil in diguise.

1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10............

I really can't count... i give up

So dear readers, what do you think? Do you think oral sex ONLY with a partner when i was 16 and slutty counts? A random finger fuck in a sex club with 2 girls on top of me? Random strangers I used to have come over my parents house when I was 17 and naive and discovered America Online chat rooms count? I mean he did cum on top of me. Does that random blowjob I gave this kid at school when I was 18 who had like the smallest dick I'd ever seen count? How about the intense makeout session with 3 other individuals or that other threesome of blowjobs i gave?

I honestly think at this point that i've FORGOTTEN all these encounters...especially the straight ones with bio-males. I mean all the crazy blowjob and random encounters occured when i was 16-18 and I never gave it much thought afterwards. I was playing a game of russian roulette from being so shelted and such a good girl when I grew up that when my parents were away, I would become a dirty slut with an angelic face. It was my thing for awhile that got me off, before I realized that men were only used at my disposal and that they never really got me off, just filled an empty void because I was lonely and depressed at the time. I guess this is what happens when you are a loner you're entire life, at least in my case.

Not that I'm bitching or whining, i'm more in question of how people count there numbers? I'm still on the fence, but I'm wondering if i'm doing that because I want to be in denial and still a good girl or as I have been called before a "fake ho", which I needed to wikipedia that one because I never heard it thinking it was a an insult but rather a compliment because I'm not the type that sleeps around (now), and as I grow I realize how sacred sex is and how I want to share it with someone special, not another one night stand to get me off (barely) and give me a temporary boost to my self-esteem.

Maybe I'll just tell people 20 from now on and leave it at that! Now I truly understand why the whole Bill Clinton "Is Oral Sex, Sex?" thing in a WHOLE new way!

The Abscense Of Being

2008-10-07T09:27:00.001-07:00

I've just started to build some readers and then poof, not a word written by me for over a month. I do apologize dear readers, it's not that i haven't had any new material, it's just that I have been experiencing so much that I haven't had time to process nor write about it.

I am single once again, but I fear that I was never taken to begin with, or perhaps I was taken by charisma and great sex and I thought it could be something more because of a wonderful connection that in my mind seemed to be blooming with each days passing.

When it was good...it was really REALLY good, but when it got bad...it turned ugly. It turned into a monster of horrific proportions, one that I became terrified of.

There was a point where I felt like I was walking on eggshells because of the personal problems or demons that she was battling. I tried so hard to be there and help, but it was never good enough. I felt like she wanted 100% of my time. What puzzled me is that she professed that everything that was outside of her work and her business came second. I however saw the opposite of this and felt the harsh brunt when she told me that she was tired of coming in second in my life. I didn't understand that it was ok that i came second in HER life but that she had to come first in MY life.

She was the first of many's. She was the first orgasm that I have ever had outside of masturbation. She was the first person I ever made love with, she was my first out of body sexual experience. I felt so close yet so vulnerable but in this amazing way.

It was after we departed and after she moved cross country that she revealed to me that after our out of body experience love making, that she realized that we weren't compatible and that was the reality of it.

It broke my heart...SHE broke my heart...I didn't understand how someone could be so cruel. I didn't understand how someone could say that they loved me and that they would never abandon me and how much they cared for me, could say that? I felt beaten up emotionally, I felt discarded.

What really bothered me was that it came from someone who has dealt with some serious issues concerning abuse...and even rape. To this day, to have someone do to someone what they could not emotionally handle from others, and do it so easily...really made the hairs on my body stand on end. It gave me chills.

Then there was the issue of alcohol abuse, and how it affected everyone around her. When she drank, it was like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. She became this person who was downright scary and completely rude to those around her. The final straw was when she became drunk at a HUGE show i was performing at and began pushing people (my friends) out of the way to heckle performers with dollar bills that she was waiving at them and distracting their performances. She spit on me and everything I have worked so hard for because of her own problems, but then she expected me to be there for her?

I was so busy with performing and being nervous since it was a huge event that I didn't see anything, all I heard was that someone got kicked out of the venue by two security guards. It was then where several eyewitnesses and sources helped me put the puzzle pieces together to figure out exactly what had happened, when I found out the whole story, I was simply disgusted.

Even with all the disgust, I still cared about her and hoped that she was doing well in the new town she moved too. I still wondered if she cared after the mess she caused but instead of realizing that people care about her, she shit on me all over again saying how I didn't care or how I was never there for her. I was hurt because I was there for her, but she didn't let me in to help her. You can't block people from helping you and then turn around and complain that no one is helping you. It just doesn't make sense.

I felt that after the comments were made with very little apology for her actions, that I have to let her go and hope that she realizes the problems that she causes in her own life, and REALLY does work on them instead of blaming everyone else and calling them abusive. I really do wish her the best in her life.

As for me, I am busy exploring new ventures and new places, and sometimes old faces that have resurfaced in my life. I want positivity and not babysitting of others problems, I want connections without heavy prices to pay and great sex without bullshit to follow. I come first in my life because in the end I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else and that is the way it should be.

At least I came out of this relationship alot better than my last...phew! :D

Vaginal Trials

2008-08-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Getting tested is never an easy thing, but it is the ring of fire we must go through for our past actions...some which we may have regretted.

It's really the one thing that we can NOT try to weasel our way out of. The one thing that we must take accountability for, At least in my opinion.

So yes I have a new sex partner, maybe even a dating partner...not sure of the actual specifics of terminology...and yes I am playing things that way. She makes me feel fuzzy and more importantly she makes me cum like no one has ever before..the energy being passed between the both of us is an out of body experience.

I can talk about how amazing she is all day but after amazing sex, after a plethora of amazing orgasms over and over again and as I lay in silk lingerie on my bed after she has left, reality sinks in.

The one good thing about her is her honesty. Before we even slept together the second time (yes the first was a bit drunk but still hot! see my blog Animalistic for those details) we had discussed our sex partners and the last time we were tested. I started the conversation outright once I realized that what I thought was a one-night stand could turn into regular sex! GREAT sex at that! I had been tested more recently than her back in May after a possible scare from one ex-fuck buddies imagination. Now you know WHY that one was fired!

We slept together a few more times, more than I have ever slept with someone since I am super famous for One Night Stands. That makes me sound more like Debbie Does Dallas but I'm really a good girl, I've just haven't met anyone that I wanted to do a repeat with. Though in the interest of my health, I do have a policy that with all new sex partners, whether it is a one time thing or on the regular, I get tested.

So on Monday morning, I headed over to the Fort Greene Department Of Health in Brooklyn and got it all done.

I know we are all there because we are being responsible...or realize that we weren't, but it is the most daunting and awkward position when you first enter the room, take your number, and sit down. You are instantly being stared at, and judged. Sitting in this sea of collective judging, the criteria are based on class, status and appearance, and as you are sitting down, you yourself are scanning the area looking at everyone who is staring back at you. The hospital white walls make the wait even more pleasant and uncomfortable.

You notice that most of the patrons are starting at the flatscreen television watching Safe Sex programming and instructions on how the STD clinic works. As you look clearly, and into the heart of it all, you realize that they are all reflecting on their lives and mistakes while using the television as a diversion. I guess that is truly the American way.

It is then that you realize you forgot all about the urine test. You realize that after your morning pee session, you didn’t drink anything because you were rushing to get out of the apartment. You remember that you have performance anxiety about peeing in public, and there are a lot of kids…A LOT. You see a water fountain surrounded by an obnoxious child in equally obnoxious pigtails who won’t give it up and you become self-conscious about taking so many trips up to the water fountain. You attempt to rationalize to yourself that all the shots in the world and relevant STD’s have no standing on urination. You realize you are on a tight budget this week and can only afford Metrocard fare to get to and from your destination rather than the big bottle of water that you so desperately need. You also realize that you will have to make a conscious decision to become the “weird” girl in order to complete your task. You NEED water intake!

They call my number finally and after that I only wait a few short minutes before they call me again to get registered. I am handed the dreaded cup, bulb syringe and container to put my finished pee in. I gather some strength, have a huge gulp of water at the fountain and head towards the bathroom.

Is it at this time where every mother and their child decide to come in, and everyone is loud. My performance anxiety over peeing is at its peak, and there is nothing releasing itself from my body. I frequently get out of the stall to let other people use it and when they look at me weird, explain to them that I can't pee and am waiting. I mean at this point my strange behavior owed them at least some sort of explanation, since I was in there for some time. When all the mothers and screaming children had left, the only cup that i had to drink from was the pee cup..and NO I did NOT pee in it while drinking. I started loading up the cup from the sink and the only water coming out of the sink was warm water. So as I am doing warm water shots over and over again, walking in and out of the stalls, walking in and out of the bathroom to walk around, going back, doing more shots, back in the stall, trying not to think about her because i end up getting aroused and want to do something else in the bathroom and then having something else coming out that would not be pee...it was a whole struggle between me and my vagina and with extreme time constraints.

After my lecherous adventures in vaginal turmoil and purgatory, the water shots finally gave in and I was able to fill the container. Who cares about a shot after going through that battle! I instantly felt relaxed and sat back down, not having a care in the world as to who was judging me for my time gone. I could now sit, stare at a wall and eavesdrop.

There was the queer butch who was going to jail (and who was checking me out) in the next week with her friend, a mother to a child that would not stop touching the water fountain...most importantly with her lollipop. Her other friend that talked loudly on her cell phone right next to the sign that said "NO CELL PHONES", which I thought was the definition of irony. The group of 18 year olds who ended up leaving because waiting was apparently too much for them. The girl on the swim team who was there for a physical (she didn't talk but it was apparent), and the girls who were so into their own world that when there number was called like 15 times, THEN decided to get up and walk very very very very slowly. There were other random people, but quite forgettable to be honest.

About 4 hours after I walked into those hospital white walls and sat down. I am called into the little room or as I like the call it “The room of the potential nervous breakdown” and present my ID to the nice woman attending me. Confirmed Negative for HIV once again and I am relived. Though, I honestly wasn't worried this time because I do take caution and take care of myself, but it's always better to be safe then to be sorry.

I get my results printed out and walk out of the clinic feeling so rejuvenated, I rush back home to wait for many good things that arrived at my doorstep that evening.

In conclusion, yes my vagina and I battled today, I won...of course because I always do...but damn at least if I write ANYTHING in this blog, it's to remind me to drink water !!!

Compacted Energy

2008-08-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to her orgasm....

It's like one of those Hadouken that Ryu throws from those Street Fighter video games. It's this ball of contained and compacted energy...it glows yellow, like a firefly.....it's this orb like substance that floats above her, growing more and more with the passion that lies between our sheets.

It starts off in her mind, the wanting, the needing, the suckling of my flesh. She bites me, marks me, bruises me, scratches me, pushes me, and ravages my body. The more and more she is on top of me, penetrating, filling, piercing, puncturing and entering, the more I see the glowing yellow ball start to descend like a ball floating downwards on a typical New Year's Eve at Times Square.

As we move about in our elaborate passionate fucking, I see the ball drop further and further towards her dick. The ball encompasses her beautiful naked body and makes her glow as well....I feel it more and more, getting closer...oh so close.

By now, I start to glow a feverish red...the yellow and red mesh together as one creating a luscious orange. We are as one for that very moment leading towards orgasm...and it's not going to stop anytime soon. We fuck and fuck and fuck and by now the ball situates itself as the base of her cock. It begins to spin....and quickly picks up speed.....it's spinning furiously as she tells me how hot and tight my pussy is for her....my pussy becomes her addiction, one that she reveals in small increments.

Her movements become rapid as she gets close, I push all my energy into my clit to let her know it is time. We go for broke, pushing all are energies together, all our colors, our passion, ourselves....the spinning ball curves backwards, ready to unleash hell at it's target....my clit now burning, begs for mercy.

It charges and then it hits me, like a freight train...like a roller coaster after it climbs all the way up ready to charge down at the bottom. My body is thrown aback by the feeling and tightens up as my own orgasm envelops my body. The orange aura of our sexuality begins to resemble the colors of a rainbow turning every shade of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. We stop for a second as our eyes meet and stare at one another...it is a pause of a few seconds that feels like a lifetime.

We keep going after that...only to see where the journey will take us again.

Animalistic

2008-08-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

She mounts me as I lay on the glitter covered floor. We had been making out all night and it was time to take it to the next level. I feel a finger enter my pussy and feel around. I almost began to scream for another finger as she pulls it out and lowers her head. Her tongue envelopes my clit in a way where I have never felt before. I begin to moan in ecstasy as her mouth begins to suck my circle of pleasure. My hands clasp the dirtied black floor and my nails begin to dig into the glitter surrounding us. As my hands carve away, as my arms begin to tighten up, as my legs begin to spread wider, she knows I am ready.

At first I feel it, just a tiny bit, as her 10 inch cock enters my body, and enter it all it did. Her rocking movements were in perfect harmony with my hungry body. We fuck for what seems like hours, moving about, changing positions. She gets off on my tight pussy and begins to tell me so while alternating that from how badly she has wanted to be inside me from the moment we met 5 months ago. My mind races as she tells me this. I know it's a heat of the moment conversation, I know it's not real, it's only a dream, but for now it's what I need.

I remember when we first met vividly. I was working the door at a theater and mistook her for being a part of a large reservation of teenagers. It was then that I looked at her again and realized she looked a bit older than 15. I laughed to myself for making such a silly mistake and when she passes me by again, I struck up a conversation that began with an apology. We talk and there is something, but nothing that I wanted to actively pursue...or did I?

I see her around every so often, and the more I see her, the more I want her inside me. There was this raw, aggressive, quality about her that I needed. I wanted a pounding that would leave me with bruises the next morning. I wanted it rough. I noticed more and more that she was checking me out, and in my feeble attempts at playing the field, I ignored them....but I still saw it. The glance, the once over, the eyes carefully peeling off my clothes with my every move. It was then that I realized how intricately I moved my body when she was around.

Now, just right now, she is inside me. I still move my body and pay close attention to the details. She pulls me close to her as I begin to cum for the first time with her and makes these sounds that were so raw and deliciously animalistic.

She was like an animal in complete heat, fucking me with a fervor that I have longed forever to experience, yet she doesn't overshadow my pleasure with her own, she makes sure I cum for her, she makes sure that her kitty sings a beautiful song in her honor. She turns the kitten in me into a roaring lion.

Afterwards I am swept away, but not interested in anything remotely relating to a relationship or love. I am addicted to her incredible sexual prowess and it's like a drug. I even had symptoms of withdrawal the next day, almost writing about in pain because I needed my next fix. She is my crack, my cocaine, my heroin....and I want to use it until it has satisfied me. I guess this is what it truly means to be in lust.

Vaginal Insecurities

2008-07-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

My pussy is brown. There I said it...

I mean it should be, I am a woman of color, though from the outside I don't look it, but I can save my race for another blog post.

While girls wish for bigger breasts, that perfect nose job, liposuction, and botox injections, I on the other hand wish for a pinker pussy. My obsession with the color pink spans from the bedroom to my box in an exquisite manner complete with glitter, sequins and feathers. That is what I want my pussy to look like...the pinkest burlesque fan dance you have ever seen.

As the years have gone by, I have noticed my girl getting darker and darker, even around my inner thighs. My pussy as it stands, is the only indication of my heritage, let alone my dark pink nipples. I sometimes grab a cheap hand mirror, lay down on my bed and stare at her. I take alot of pride in my pussy by shaving it frequently as I like the clean shaven look. As I stare at her, I allow my fingers to trace it's shape. I pay close attention to it's every detail. This ritual can span 5 minutes to hours if I'm really bored with im'ing senseless drivel on gmail.

I sometimes wonder if I have a pretty pussy. I wonder if it is esthetically pleasing to the eye. It's not like I have never seen what another one looks like, but to date I have never been compliment on my precious. In my last relationship, albeit a short one, she would never compliment it, she preferred to look at the macro of my being rather than focusing on the details. I prefer details so our conversations that turned into arguments left me feeling insecure down there. I couldn't understand why it was so hard to tell me I had a pretty girl. I myself am not fully represented by what's down there, but I want my lover past, present of future to appreciate my body and get to know all it's kinks. I don't think that is asking much, and if someone does love you, wouldn't they want to know all that is you? Especially your body?

Since I am still in the healing phase from past heart wrenching drama. I am more than insecure about myself at this point, and although i know this is a passing phase, the next girl to fall between my sheets will hopefully be an understanding one. Will she be interested in my details? Will she hopefully like to place her fingers in my behind (crosses fingers)? Is it possible for it to happen?

I am purposely forcing myself out to a few parties in the upcoming weeks, not just because i have to promote my ass off for my show, but hopefully to use that medium in order to talk to women. To meet new faces in the same old places. With the lesbian scene here in NYC, although it is a small one, I know that I haven't met everyone just yet.

As for my pussy, perhaps I can paint some pink acrylic on her one day, just to say i had a pink pussy.

Vaginal Parasites

2008-07-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I write in this blog. Why I started it at all. A rush of fears and OMG's flood my head as I ponder how much I should have revealed. Granted, this blog only focuses on a specific part of my life and doesn't encompass the entirety that is me.

I probably could have written that a little more slicker, something that falls out of the tongue a little more fluid, but for today I'll focus on a little bit of drama that is outside the sexual realm and with a little more heart.

My heart as I mention it, has been broken. I can safely say that it really wasn't broken at all. It was pulverized, dismantled, smashed, de-constructed, thrown against a wall, raped, beaten, and destroyed.

They (plural), have no names to me anymore, they are mere vaginal parasites that have thankfully found one another and in a way I am thankful for that. However since there is a link between them and my best friend, I can't fully eradicate them 100% until she wakes up and realizes what disgusting pitiful creatures they really are and eradicates them for herself.

I can't control anyone but I can control how I interact with others. However I have learned a valuable lesson throughout this entire ordeal that has been happening since December now. I have learned to let other's friends BE there friends and not interact with them fully. It sounds confusing but I am sure we have all been there. I have also learned NOT to go after someone through a friend, especially one that has been intimate with. I hate to divulge personal info about others...but this is a matter of learning from my mistakes.

My punishment was an ordeal of such heartwrenching pain, that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I felt alone and abandoned and discarded...but it was ok..because it wasn't "their intentions to hurt me". It was perfectly alright, because I am "too sensitive" and that i need to work on myself. Now I am not perfect, but I also don't play mind games, manipulate and deceive people. I am honest as one gets.

The mere gall of hurting someone then making them feel bad for feeling bad still goes over my head. The fact that I let it happen, that I let the vaginal parasites deceive me time and time again, that I constantly went back and tried to work things out thinking that I could better myself FOR THEM...still blows my mind.

They say you only and truly fall in love once...but for me, i fell in love back to back twice. I would have done anything, I would have packed up everything that is this life in Jersey and went anywhere. I was that captivated.

Now all i am is an empty shell, some may view that as starting over, but for me I have no idea where to start at all. I have no idea where to go. I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, just searching for a way home but instead getting lost in a maze. Maybe like in the movie Labyrinth. I keep on searching out hidden corridors only to find myself stuck at the beginning.

I'm yearning to heal in the arms of a woman, but right now I don't even know if I can get close to one right now. This vagina, heart, body, soul is lifeless. If I thought I had trust issues before this, then I was naive. I don't even know if I can trust anyone anymore...let alone myself.

I know this is all part of the healing process...but what if i can't heal? What if this is it for me. What if I am doomed to forever remain single and more importantly sexless?

Perhaps this blog ended as quickly as it was started.....

Vaginal Poetry Part 1

2008-07-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

Hands

She slowly touches her hand mesmerizing my eyes in the process.

I once saw her lightly touch herself under her knee once…she had an itch, and the way she scratched it…

I was in a trance for the whole 2 minute show…just watching her fingers at work….gliding softly over her skin.

Did she want to touch herself? Could I watch?

Watch those sweet delicate hands caress such a curvy goddess.

Watch it carefully play with her sweet puffy pinkness.

Getting wet

Getting off

Going insane

I’m starting to have an obsession with her hands. i want her fingers to order me on all fours…I want her hands to carefully grasp her shiny black paddle. I want to feel the slap of my ass come from a whole structured unit of muscle, bone and skin. I want her touch…

But in the end…the pleasure just comes from my own hand….

Vaginal Obssession

2008-06-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

The world renowned musical "Gypsy" is known for many things, but for me it is known for the character Mazeppa who said "You Gotta Have A Gimmick!" The first time i saw that movie, the first time i heard those words, it was intricately engrained in my tiny little head. Years later, when I started my ever growing obsession with burlesque, I always kept that in mind.

I tried many different "gimmicks", but none seemed to truly work for me. I did the goth thing, the fetish thing, the James Bond thing. I even did the tortured trapped soul thing for awhile...very angry...very scary.

I was trying to find myself in a world full of sequins and glitter, full of retro-pinups and beautiful slender bodies. I myself am not a contemporary beauty, I am not a size 2, 4, or 6. I am a shaved headed dyke who would rather don a strap-on than a sequin dress.

Though coming out for me, meant that i knew who i was truly. I experimented with different looks, especially when my hair was concerned. I tried wearing different clothes, really emphasizing that "dyke" look.

With performance though, I still needed that spark. What would I do that would separate me as someone with original and creative ideas? Everyone knows that nothing is original anymore, but a personal take on an object or performance art can be. I was on a mission to "gay-ify" my work.

I was heavily inspired by a fellow queer performer extraordinare, and though I know i can hone my skills and become an amazing performer myself, for now I am relegated to being in her shadow. It's ok though as I am still a babydyke and am quickly coming into my own.

Then came an idea that sounded bigger than I could take on. An idea that in itself sounds like i had truly lost my performance mind, but then again what artist hasn't in a way.

I had already stripped out of a giant Hershey Kiss costume...why couldn't I strip out of a giant pussy costume?

The idea came to me months ago but I hesitated working on the project due to the innate fear of not being able to pull it off.

but after 60+ hours...or more...THIS is what I came up with...

I guess this is one way to make a gimmick for a young genderqueer....giggles

Communication: Breakdown

2008-06-12T18:11:00.001-07:00

I have a yeast infection. The words already turn me into a sex goddess showering ricotta cheese like cum just dripping from my pussy. I can picture now all the women running towards me like the end of a long race or marathon. it's just that hot.

I fear that my blog is turning into the masturbation adventures instead of it's intended purpose, but if it wasn't for masturbation I probably wouldn't know that I had the infection to begin with. I once had it years ago when I was having lots and lots of hot lesbian sex with multiple partners, doing copious amounts of orgies and threesomes and attended sex parties on a regular basis. Thank goodness it wasn't herpes.

So there I was, getting off on my couch, fantasizing about being watched and fucking girls in the ass. Actually my fantasies as of late have been quite focused. Focused in a way that I am trying to deter myself from because it contains feelings and all that crap...but lately if i don't think about her, I don't cum.

I'm probing my brain for some hot new material...I wanted something different, something nasty and slutty and dirty and just plain wrong. Instead I went back in time, to when i was around 12 or 13. I had been playing with a neighborhood boy who was a little bit younger than me. We would ride our bikes, go to the park, play on the swings. Sometimes we would hang out at his house and play Nintendo which was so cool to me at the time since I didn't own one.

He was Korean, as many families who lived in the area were. He hardly spoke a word of English and was generally quiet and well-mannered. I'll never understand why we had a connection the way we did at the time because of the language barrier, but we made it work.

Sometimes, when it got dark, we would sneak into an old rickety tool shed in his backyard. It was painted white but with years of neglect, the paint was chipped off and it resembled something more found in a horror movie than surburbia. There was no light inside with the exception of the remaining light of the day peeking through a single window and as we stood inside trying to hide from unsuspecting adults, we somehow got turned on and began to masturbate. We did this on a few occassions and it was at this point in my life where I discovered my fetish. I would taunt, i would tease, I would order him around. I would say things like touch it, do it faster, Faster, FASTER! I would tell him to watch me, I would dig both hands in my crotch and rub with a pressure harder then when I would grind my pussy on my bedposts late at night while my parents were sleeping.

All the while I'm imagining this, imagining that instead of a boy, it is a beautiful curvy woman. Instead of adolescence, she is my age or older. She rides her hand with such fervor and such passion that I lose control. The faster she plays, the faster I thrust my crystal wand deep inside my pussy. The crazier she get's in her cum soaked heat, the wider the butt plug I pop into my ass. At this point my magic wand is on the highest level and my breathing is out of control. "Oh fuck yes I'm fucking myself" I scream out...i like to talk dirty to myself when I am close, probably is why I started this blog in the first place. "Yes, I'm getting close, oh fuck yes i'm such a dirty fucking whore, fuck me harder HARDER!" At this point my screaming, my fantasies, my whole being comes to a close. I scream, but this time everything comes crashing inwards, my body convulses, my torso lifts itself up involuntary, and it subsides...but just a little. As my pussy contracts, I pull out my crystal wand and the cum is so thick that it leaves a trail. I look down at my pussy and it is reminiscent of a porn star's pussy after numerous rounds of deep thrusting.

Except that my cum is creamy white...and the next day after masturbating, it was thicker. Then the lovely itch came a few days later followed by my period. I have a yeast infection. ugh.

Blackouts and Vibrators

2008-06-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

I realized yesterday during a blackout that I needed new "source" material for my blog. This was after lighting had struck my building that left the entire block or more without power for an excruciatingly amount of time. The most fatal causality was the incapacitation of my beloved air conditioner which followed the death of the internet with not even so much as a WIFI signal present.

I started to feel claustrophobic and varied my time between going outside the building for air or lounging i super freezing cold baths. I couldn't rest for even one minute. I couldn't even masturbate because my Hitachi Magic Wand is a plug in!

The heat getting to me made me realized that I've turned into a hermit this past week due to weather inclinations. I'm living in the shadow of my air conditioner and gloating about it quite freely to my non-air conditioning friends. I'll admit that I turned into an asshole and divided the world between who has an AC and who doesn't. It was then that my good friend Mercury Retrograde decided that my war should end...and it ended in sweat, tears, and way too many smoked cigarettes.

The blackout lasted for a few hours, but for me it was a millennia. I used the time to think...think about my life, where it's going and where i would like it to go, it was as if the death of my beloved technology made it seem as if my life flashed before my eyes. Am I more dramatic than I realized? Was I really going through technology withdrawal? I guess I'm more dependent on my laptop, internet, and vibrator then I realized.

Speaking of vibrators, my current state of "hermit-ism" has not done wonders for my sex life. It's not like I can't get laid, I absolutely can...but when a city full of lesbians stop at 1:20 in the morning when I have to get on the NJ transit bus to get home, it kind of puts a damper on things.

Case in point. Last Saturday.

I was scheduled to perform a burlesque show at Galapagos. I don't venture into Brooklyn often with the exception of the really hot lesbian party Choice Cunts. However being that it the first stop in Brooklyn on the L train, and that I could transfer to the A line. I accepted the offer. Our show had the main stage and the crowd looked promising, but next door they were having a Turkish Oil Wrestling night. I didn't really pay attention when I first heard about it until i realized that it was a LESBIAN ONLY Turkish oil wrestling night. Well hearing this got my panties wet in a new york minute...it was that good. Thankfully I recognized alot of the performers since the lesbian performing circuit isn't that big, so running into a few of my fav girls and bois made my night. However since the event started at 12 and I had to leave by 12-ish to get home I didn't get to see the glory that is lesbian oil wrestling. However I had to drag my suitcase and prop chainsaw throughout the sea of lesbians...most of them were checking me out so it was easy to maneuver by, I even had one girl stop me before i got out of the room to tell me how hot i looked.

The same thing happened to me the previous night at a show I sometimes help out with called Rivers Of Honey which is a cabaret for woman and trans of color. Lots of hotties at this show...which is mostly why I keep on coming back to help. After the amazing show had ended, I sat outside the theater in the hallways feeling a little more high than usual when all of a sudden 4 girls came up to me. One girl (who looked like the leader of the group) told me that I was a complete distraction to the entire show because of my boobs. I told her that Flattery will get her everywhere with me..because it really will.

Alas the night was not young as I had to catch that dreaded 1:20 bus once again.

A weekend full of opportunity, missed...all because of location. Which really leads me back into the subject of vibrators as I am currently dating mine. I really do love her though, we have been intimate for well over 6 years and is the longest relationship I have ever been in with a female. She knows what to do and how to do it. Our sessions usually last about an hour and sometimes we bring toys into the bedroom such as my crystal wand and my vast array of high end quality silicone butt plugs. With her, I can fit anything into my ass as she expertly works my body, I can even fist my pussy when she gets me really going. We never get into fights, are allowed to be in a open relationship, have both been tested and are clean and she doesn't want kids. It's quite perfect really.

The perfect solution to all of this would be to escape the evil trenches of NJ and move into the boroughs. However it's not that easy, although the transportation blows, I kinda like it here. I have a huge apartment, excellent air conditioning (when the power doesn't go out) clean water, HOT water, no bugs or mice or rodents of any kind and the rent JUST hit $1000 this year. Although I do not have a car and that is problematic, I think there is a part of me that will never leave here. It is my home, it is a great deal and as the saying goes "you are where you come from".

All's well that ends well

2008-06-09T02:09:00.000-07:00

It comes up, a tiny blue light flickers a bit while warming itself before settling. A raised bump of black plastic uncovers a tiny lens, almost like a clitoris emerging from it's hood. It's connected to my laptop, a tiny webcam enabling vast kinky pleasures to be explored with people throughout the internet..or a possible sneak preview before a prospective date. With the click of my mouse, I'm able to power up the intricate engineering of Yahoo Messenger, and I invite her to play.

With gentle prodding and poking, I'm able to position the the camera so that it rests at the perfect angle. I'm about to sit facing her and she tells me to turn around. I do as I am told as I love a woman who is aggressive and dominant only in the bedroom. Today however, she would have to seduce me on my living room couch. I get in position and place two pillows between me and the couch. I'm on my knees but I'm comfortable. My ass extends out and is perfect. It's comprised of two giant circles of flesh and shows no flaws. I tease her a bit as I run my right hand over my ass and begin to spank myself. She instructs me to move more, to bounce, to make my ass bump and grind. With the instructions given, I begin humping the two pillows separating me from the couch. As I hump more, my ass begins to bounce, it soars up into the air then comes crashing down. It was such a magnificent sight that I almost wish I had taped myself doing it so I could watch the amazing aerodynamics later on in private. My clit starts to feel that special tingle so I thrusted my pussy into the pillows some more. My fantasies were focused on the thought of humping her leg, like I did that one time and afterwards masturbating on several occasions thinking of the racy encounter. Knowing that she was watching me right that minute, sent me overboard.

I was almost at peak. Just a few more minutes I thought to myself...

BUZZ

At first the sound didn't startle me, in fact the sound kinda turned me on some more as i was thinking she wanted me to start using my vibrator.

BUZZ

For those of you who have Yahoo, you know about that buzz button to get someone's attention to for general annoying usage.

I turn around, she is trying to get my attention. She tells me to sit and that she has to talk with me. I tell her I want to finish and she tells me no.

NO? What?

She wants to talk because she is concerned over my blogging and my sex life apparently. Actually it wasn't so much that she wanted to talk as she was accusing me of being the biggest slut in the east coast and demanded that I tell her information about things that had no relevance to her whatsoever. After the accusations and AFTER rudely interrupting me and after her feeble attempts to make me out to be dishonest due to her own serious trust issues, she informed me that we would discuss it that Saturday when we had planned to go out on a date (or as I like to call it, two people going somewhere together)

and after ALL this unexpected and unnecessary drama, the ONLY thing I could think about...the ONE thing completely terrorizing my mind and body and soul was...

YOU FUCKING INTERRUPTED MY ORGASM!!!!!!!!

No one, and I mean NO ONE interrupts my orgasm. It takes me long enough as it is to cum, and I was about to break a pillow humping record for shortest time ever! That's a milestone! That's a miracle! Who is their right mind, thinks that a girl will go out with them, let ALONE sleep with them after they interrupt them sexually, start yelling at them and throwing accusations, and not to mention trying to constantly treat me as if I'm lying and holding back information from her.

I told her to fuck off, closed the chat and cam windows and angrily masturbated to finish myself off as quickly as possible. It wasn't even about pleasure at that point, it was about spite. I don't ever recall masturbating out of spite but there is a first for everything and right then and there, there was not even a single glimpse of positivity in that orgasm. Some people might consider that hot, and angry sex can have it's benefits, but in this case, if my orgasm was a weapon, it would have shot bullets like it was a machine gun.

After i finished, and cleaned up, I went out to the city and got drunk, missed my bus, stumbled to my friends place all the way in Queens that took over an hour to wake her up to let me in, and didn't sleep while leaving a mere 2 hours later to take the morning bus. Not the best of evenings but I eventually made it home and into my bed.

I fired my fuck buddy that day..over a deal breaker that should have never been broken in the first place. The moral of this story? Never interrupt an orgasm...and you shall be rewarded with multiples of your own

Currently accepting applications for new fuck buddies: Must be female, open, safe, clean, sane, and sane. Oh also a giver of orgasms and someone that knows when and when not to open there mouths. Plus I really like to watch and be watched, oh and someone who is into anal ;D

Changing your point of view can change your world...

2008-06-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend (and before i went and got completely wasted every day of it) I staffed at WOW doing sound. For those of you who just thought I just used the anocrym "Whip E'm Out Wednesdays" or the ever addicting fantasy game "World Of Warcraft", you can rest assure knowing that i'm not talking about either one of them . The WOW (Women's One World) that I am affliated with is a theater that is the oldest, continuosly active working woman and trans theater in the country. It's run as an anarchy collective and people join by coming to a weekly meeting on Tuesdays and build up sweat equity so that one day they can run their own production, caberet, play etc completely on thier own without one's approval.

It's a cool concept and I have been a part of this theater for over a year now. Some members have been there for years, and many more join on a weekly basis through word of mouth. It is the extra special venue where i co-produce my monthly queer burlesque show called HyperGender Burlesque. It's a place where as an performing artist, I can thrive.

For the past three weeks, my amazing friend/producer/choreographer Ami weaved a wonderful collection of what i can only describe as poetry in motion. It was a multi-media production that married spoken word, dance, music in this incredible lithurgical arrangment. Chaos Sex Machina is the name of the production and is it truly a sensual yet incredibly moving force that really leaves you thinking afterwards. On some days it left me horny.....

After the dance portion of the show, there is an intermission followed by the "feature performer" of the evening. Magina, Our Lady Of Perpetual PMS, Lady C, Penny Pollak, Jonathan Ames, Fritz Donnelly and Courtney Weber have all lended there talents from jello wrestling matches to performance art.

and then there came the raffle....

On the first day of raffle, my true love brought to me...a vagina cast of a woman masturbating with a clit ring...

On the second day of raffle, my true love brought to me...a vagina print from artist Lady C (Abby)

I could have gone for a vibrator on the third day to complete the collection, but I think two vagina's is enough....or is it? hmmm I'm astonished that I even thought a thought like that to be honest.

The important part of what I'm writing here other than winning vagina's is that from day 2 of the raffle to day 3, I did something that I have wanted to do for the longest time. I changed my perspective. On day 2, I looked a bit something like this:

On day 3 I went from the above mentioned photo...to this

That's right folks, N here pulled a Britney Spears!

Because my look changed so drasticially, I wondered if my penchant for getting laid would as well. Would I be still considered "hot"? Would I still get hit on? Would I never be looked at again and have my life reduced to compulsive masturbation? I felt that it was important to go out and experiment to see what would happen and I decided that my best bet was to go to one of the hottest lesbian parties in Brooklyn called Choice Cunts.

I arrived past midnight and there was already a line out the door. Williamsburg is certainly a place that has no shortage of places to go party at or places of interest. I finially get in, pay my cover and head to the bar as quickly as possible. This vagina has had a rough week and was in need of drink or 5. So I drink, mingle with friends and eyed the raised platform/stage, waiting for my jack and coke to be consumed as quickly as my body can take it. Jack was definately my friend that evening.

Many girls eyed me, and i caught a few of them checking me out. I definately had an edge last night that I have never experienced before. All my friends who popped in an out throughout the night kept on saying that i looked "Fierce", which in lesbian terminology...is like a version of hot only reserved for a select few. My experiment was getting off to great start.

I noticed that my abilities to woo the same sex had not changed, but that they angle of which I was perceived did. More people had the freedom in their minds to touch my head, therefore adding an element of touch more prevelant into my flirting ways and into my life in general. Even while dancing (very dirty with some girls) later on, they would come, dance by me and touch me, much more than they would when I had pink hair. Now one could say that maybe they didn't want to touch my hair because they didn't was pink stains of their hands, and I wouldn't argue that, but shaved heads, especially when they look good on the person, adds a whole new element. People look at you differently, they see you as someone who has balls and does what they want regardless of what we are told we should look like. They see someone who is fun, free-spirted, and sexy. It is a double standard that a man shaving his head is more acceptable in society than a woman doing it....and I kinda like that...one huge slap in the face to society...one step for my pussy to soar.

Congratulations! You're A Certified Sex Addict!

2008-05-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

I recently came across an article written by Rachel Kramer Bussel, writer of many amazing books, editor, and producer of In The Flesh Erotica Reading Series held every 3rd Thursday's at Happy Endings over on Broome Street. She is also a noted cupcake lover as well.

I met her briefly in a most unusual way when the two of us participated at Babeland's Masturbate-A-Thon several years back that way filmed for HBO's Real Sex. Our segment is currently on Real Sex 32: Some Like It Hot and it is well....quite hot to say the least.

I say briefly because the participants that day were mostly concerned with...themselves to be honest, so i really didn't bond with anyone to say the least, however i met several participants years later through burlesque and other artistic related events. It was a strange 6 degree's of NYC separation, and throughout the years I have loosely followed her work and have seen her pop up everywhere in NYC, even gracing my burlesque show back in April.

The article in question that she wrote centered around sex addiction and it's use as a scapegoat and target. It went on to dispute a sex addiction test aptly titled Sexhelp.com Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST)

According to her article and citing a quote from the site the test was "[d]eveloped in cooperation with hospitals, treatment programs, private therapists, and community groups, the SAST provides a profile of responses which help to discriminate between addictive and non-addictive behavior."

I decided to take this test and to see for myself if I according to programs, community groups and well-paid therapists am i fact a sex addict.

After typing in the url http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm. I am immediately taken to a page with 45 questions. Before you can actually begin the test, you have to answer a few questions such as gender and sexual orientation. I am immediately thrown off by the orientation question since I really do not see the relevance but i click "Homosexual" and proceed. The questions range from topics such as participation in BDSM to purchasing magazines or visiting sex clubs. Sadly I plea guilty to all. Other than not having sex with minors and engaging is risky non-safe-sex behaiviors, i pretty much answered yes to all the questions.

When I clicked the Submit button, I was taken to another page with my scores and a chart.

My chart said the following:

Yes you have heard right! I am a certified Sex Addict scoring 14 out of 20! I was quite disappointed that there were no confetti thrown out or fanfare but I am still waiting for my watch!

After giggling like a schoolgirl at my amusement. I realized I could handle this information two ways 1) Realize that I have a problem and consult a 12 step spiritual program or 2) Laugh, Laugh, Laugh!

I really don't see the point is saying that I am a sex addict because I enjoy masturbating to porn and engage in sadomasochistic fun. Going to sex clubs, divulging in hot public sex are parts of my sexuality that I like to explore in a safe environment. Yeah sure i have fucked in clubs, cabs and LGTB centers, but they were hot, consensual and safe. Being a sexual person in CHARGE of my sexuality doesn't mean that there is a problem and at the end of the day, that is what irks me the most. Because I am sexually independent and GASP gay, there must be a problem with me that has to be treated via religious propaganda disguised as "treatment" programs.

So here is to my new found "addiction"! Let the porn stay, let the vibrators be turned on to the highest level, let the butt plugs be lubed and let me enjoy my sexuality!

---------------------------------

Original Article can be found here"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kramer-bussel/am-i-a-sex-addict-are-yo_b_73768.html
Huffington Post, November 28, 2007

How Not To Get In My Pants: Volume 1

2008-05-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

When attempting to introduce yourself because you have added me on a networking application such as myspace or facebook, it is very important to showcase a positive attitude and general cheerful disposition. Careful planning such as insertion of compliments via said email systems can help greatly when trying to garner attention from a lady.

Now this is not to say I am in any way better than anyone, but taking great care in how you approach a person can help one in the process of getting into my pants, or perhaps the pants of another girl.

One example is to email and maybe tell me what nice pictures i have, or that you have looked at my videos on youtube of my burlesque performances and you loved it (hint I just love compliments on my own work!) Compliments, Compliments Compliments!

Perhaps buy me a drink and wine and dine me. I just love it and you will get more than you bargained for at the end up the night!

It's a simple solution no? Well perhaps this girl that emailed me today thought a different approach would work.

"you seem a very interesting person. i'm an artist myself, but unlike you, i would much rather please my viewer than shock them...

Tell me more about yourself"

Did she think insulting what i do would send me flying into her arms? Needless to say she will get no response but in my fantasy world where I can say whatever it is I please without fear of repercussion or consequence or more drama in my already drama filled world. My perfect response would be the following.

"Hmm myself? Well I love cats, and wonderful conversations with open-minded individuals that instead of insulting me, would want to know more about what i do.

To please the audience is something that i don't quite agree with, it is the ultimate form of complacency that as an artist who believes that art is about crossing boundaries and experimenting, would be the antitheses of everything that i stand for.

Thank you for your inquiry but you fail...

Have a great day!"

I really think the exclamation point is the heart of the response....

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere - An Introduction

2008-05-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

So i have been thinking for quite some time about blogging about my own sex adventures, mishaps and just crazy people i meet along the way. Thinking back to things, it all really amuses me. Lack of social graces, insecurities and general drama are the things that this one lesbian has to deal with in the dating field.

So before i get to my first post, i would like to introduce myself. My name is N (yes just N) and I am a burlesque performer/designer/stylist/makeup artist/whatever career i feel like undertaking at any given time. I am what you may call a free spirit, a girl who is open to new ideas, and lots of experiementation. These are my adventures in lesbian dating, sex and mayhem. Won't you please join me...