Vaginal Obssession

The world renowned musical "Gypsy" is known for many things, but for me it is known for the character Mazeppa who said "You Gotta Have A Gimmick!" The first time i saw that movie, the first time i heard those words, it was intricately engrained in my tiny little head. Years later, when I started my ever growing obsession with burlesque, I always kept that in mind.

I tried many different "gimmicks", but none seemed to truly work for me. I did the goth thing, the fetish thing, the James Bond thing. I even did the tortured trapped soul thing for awhile...very angry...very scary.

I was trying to find myself in a world full of sequins and glitter, full of retro-pinups and beautiful slender bodies. I myself am not a contemporary beauty, I am not a size 2, 4, or 6. I am a shaved headed dyke who would rather don a strap-on than a sequin dress.

Though coming out for me, meant that i knew who i was truly. I experimented with different looks, especially when my hair was concerned. I tried wearing different clothes, really emphasizing that "dyke" look.

With performance though, I still needed that spark. What would I do that would separate me as someone with original and creative ideas? Everyone knows that nothing is original anymore, but a personal take on an object or performance art can be. I was on a mission to "gay-ify" my work.

I was heavily inspired by a fellow queer performer extraordinare, and though I know i can hone my skills and become an amazing performer myself, for now I am relegated to being in her shadow. It's ok though as I am still a babydyke and am quickly coming into my own.

Then came an idea that sounded bigger than I could take on. An idea that in itself sounds like i had truly lost my performance mind, but then again what artist hasn't in a way.

I had already stripped out of a giant Hershey Kiss costume...why couldn't I strip out of a giant pussy costume?

The idea came to me months ago but I hesitated working on the project due to the innate fear of not being able to pull it off.

but after 60+ hours...or more...THIS is what I came up with...



I guess this is one way to make a gimmick for a young genderqueer....giggles

Communication: Breakdown

I have a yeast infection. The words already turn me into a sex goddess showering ricotta cheese like cum just dripping from my pussy. I can picture now all the women running towards me like the end of a long race or marathon. it's just that hot.

I fear that my blog is turning into the masturbation adventures instead of it's intended purpose, but if it wasn't for masturbation I probably wouldn't know that I had the infection to begin with. I once had it years ago when I was having lots and lots of hot lesbian sex with multiple partners, doing copious amounts of orgies and threesomes and attended sex parties on a regular basis. Thank goodness it wasn't herpes.

So there I was, getting off on my couch, fantasizing about being watched and fucking girls in the ass. Actually my fantasies as of late have been quite focused. Focused in a way that I am trying to deter myself from because it contains feelings and all that crap...but lately if i don't think about her, I don't cum.

I'm probing my brain for some hot new material...I wanted something different, something nasty and slutty and dirty and just plain wrong. Instead I went back in time, to when i was around 12 or 13. I had been playing with a neighborhood boy who was a little bit younger than me. We would ride our bikes, go to the park, play on the swings. Sometimes we would hang out at his house and play Nintendo which was so cool to me at the time since I didn't own one.

He was Korean, as many families who lived in the area were. He hardly spoke a word of English and was generally quiet and well-mannered. I'll never understand why we had a connection the way we did at the time because of the language barrier, but we made it work.

Sometimes, when it got dark, we would sneak into an old rickety tool shed in his backyard. It was painted white but with years of neglect, the paint was chipped off and it resembled something more found in a horror movie than surburbia. There was no light inside with the exception of the remaining light of the day peeking through a single window and as we stood inside trying to hide from unsuspecting adults, we somehow got turned on and began to masturbate. We did this on a few occassions and it was at this point in my life where I discovered my fetish. I would taunt, i would tease, I would order him around. I would say things like touch it, do it faster, Faster, FASTER! I would tell him to watch me, I would dig both hands in my crotch and rub with a pressure harder then when I would grind my pussy on my bedposts late at night while my parents were sleeping.

All the while I'm imagining this, imagining that instead of a boy, it is a beautiful curvy woman. Instead of adolescence, she is my age or older. She rides her hand with such fervor and such passion that I lose control. The faster she plays, the faster I thrust my crystal wand deep inside my pussy. The crazier she get's in her cum soaked heat, the wider the butt plug I pop into my ass. At this point my magic wand is on the highest level and my breathing is out of control. "Oh fuck yes I'm fucking myself" I scream out...i like to talk dirty to myself when I am close, probably is why I started this blog in the first place. "Yes, I'm getting close, oh fuck yes i'm such a dirty fucking whore, fuck me harder HARDER!" At this point my screaming, my fantasies, my whole being comes to a close. I scream, but this time everything comes crashing inwards, my body convulses, my torso lifts itself up involuntary, and it subsides...but just a little. As my pussy contracts, I pull out my crystal wand and the cum is so thick that it leaves a trail. I look down at my pussy and it is reminiscent of a porn star's pussy after numerous rounds of deep thrusting.

Except that my cum is creamy white...and the next day after masturbating, it was thicker. Then the lovely itch came a few days later followed by my period. I have a yeast infection. ugh.

Blackouts and Vibrators

I realized yesterday during a blackout that I needed new "source" material for my blog. This was after lighting had struck my building that left the entire block or more without power for an excruciatingly amount of time. The most fatal causality was the incapacitation of my beloved air conditioner which followed the death of the internet with not even so much as a WIFI signal present.

I started to feel claustrophobic and varied my time between going outside the building for air or lounging i super freezing cold baths. I couldn't rest for even one minute. I couldn't even masturbate because my Hitachi Magic Wand is a plug in!

The heat getting to me made me realized that I've turned into a hermit this past week due to weather inclinations. I'm living in the shadow of my air conditioner and gloating about it quite freely to my non-air conditioning friends. I'll admit that I turned into an asshole and divided the world between who has an AC and who doesn't. It was then that my good friend Mercury Retrograde decided that my war should end...and it ended in sweat, tears, and way too many smoked cigarettes.

The blackout lasted for a few hours, but for me it was a millennia. I used the time to think...think about my life, where it's going and where i would like it to go, it was as if the death of my beloved technology made it seem as if my life flashed before my eyes. Am I more dramatic than I realized? Was I really going through technology withdrawal? I guess I'm more dependent on my laptop, internet, and vibrator then I realized.

Speaking of vibrators, my current state of "hermit-ism" has not done wonders for my sex life. It's not like I can't get laid, I absolutely can...but when a city full of lesbians stop at 1:20 in the morning when I have to get on the NJ transit bus to get home, it kind of puts a damper on things.

Case in point. Last Saturday.

I was scheduled to perform a burlesque show at Galapagos. I don't venture into Brooklyn often with the exception of the really hot lesbian party Choice Cunts. However being that it the first stop in Brooklyn on the L train, and that I could transfer to the A line. I accepted the offer. Our show had the main stage and the crowd looked promising, but next door they were having a Turkish Oil Wrestling night. I didn't really pay attention when I first heard about it until i realized that it was a LESBIAN ONLY Turkish oil wrestling night. Well hearing this got my panties wet in a new york minute...it was that good. Thankfully I recognized alot of the performers since the lesbian performing circuit isn't that big, so running into a few of my fav girls and bois made my night. However since the event started at 12 and I had to leave by 12-ish to get home I didn't get to see the glory that is lesbian oil wrestling. However I had to drag my suitcase and prop chainsaw throughout the sea of lesbians...most of them were checking me out so it was easy to maneuver by, I even had one girl stop me before i got out of the room to tell me how hot i looked.

The same thing happened to me the previous night at a show I sometimes help out with called Rivers Of Honey which is a cabaret for woman and trans of color. Lots of hotties at this show...which is mostly why I keep on coming back to help. After the amazing show had ended, I sat outside the theater in the hallways feeling a little more high than usual when all of a sudden 4 girls came up to me. One girl (who looked like the leader of the group) told me that I was a complete distraction to the entire show because of my boobs. I told her that Flattery will get her everywhere with me..because it really will.

Alas the night was not young as I had to catch that dreaded 1:20 bus once again.

A weekend full of opportunity, missed...all because of location. Which really leads me back into the subject of vibrators as I am currently dating mine. I really do love her though, we have been intimate for well over 6 years and is the longest relationship I have ever been in with a female. She knows what to do and how to do it. Our sessions usually last about an hour and sometimes we bring toys into the bedroom such as my crystal wand and my vast array of high end quality silicone butt plugs. With her, I can fit anything into my ass as she expertly works my body, I can even fist my pussy when she gets me really going. We never get into fights, are allowed to be in a open relationship, have both been tested and are clean and she doesn't want kids. It's quite perfect really.

The perfect solution to all of this would be to escape the evil trenches of NJ and move into the boroughs. However it's not that easy, although the transportation blows, I kinda like it here. I have a huge apartment, excellent air conditioning (when the power doesn't go out) clean water, HOT water, no bugs or mice or rodents of any kind and the rent JUST hit $1000 this year. Although I do not have a car and that is problematic, I think there is a part of me that will never leave here. It is my home, it is a great deal and as the saying goes "you are where you come from".

All's well that ends well

It comes up, a tiny blue light flickers a bit while warming itself before settling. A raised bump of black plastic uncovers a tiny lens, almost like a clitoris emerging from it's hood. It's connected to my laptop, a tiny webcam enabling vast kinky pleasures to be explored with people throughout the internet..or a possible sneak preview before a prospective date. With the click of my mouse, I'm able to power up the intricate engineering of Yahoo Messenger, and I invite her to play.

With gentle prodding and poking, I'm able to position the the camera so that it rests at the perfect angle. I'm about to sit facing her and she tells me to turn around. I do as I am told as I love a woman who is aggressive and dominant only in the bedroom. Today however, she would have to seduce me on my living room couch. I get in position and place two pillows between me and the couch. I'm on my knees but I'm comfortable. My ass extends out and is perfect. It's comprised of two giant circles of flesh and shows no flaws. I tease her a bit as I run my right hand over my ass and begin to spank myself. She instructs me to move more, to bounce, to make my ass bump and grind. With the instructions given, I begin humping the two pillows separating me from the couch. As I hump more, my ass begins to bounce, it soars up into the air then comes crashing down. It was such a magnificent sight that I almost wish I had taped myself doing it so I could watch the amazing aerodynamics later on in private. My clit starts to feel that special tingle so I thrusted my pussy into the pillows some more. My fantasies were focused on the thought of humping her leg, like I did that one time and afterwards masturbating on several occasions thinking of the racy encounter. Knowing that she was watching me right that minute, sent me overboard.

I was almost at peak. Just a few more minutes I thought to myself...

BUZZ

At first the sound didn't startle me, in fact the sound kinda turned me on some more as i was thinking she wanted me to start using my vibrator.

BUZZ

For those of you who have Yahoo, you know about that buzz button to get someone's attention to for general annoying usage.

I turn around, she is trying to get my attention. She tells me to sit and that she has to talk with me. I tell her I want to finish and she tells me no.

NO? What?

She wants to talk because she is concerned over my blogging and my sex life apparently. Actually it wasn't so much that she wanted to talk as she was accusing me of being the biggest slut in the east coast and demanded that I tell her information about things that had no relevance to her whatsoever. After the accusations and AFTER rudely interrupting me and after her feeble attempts to make me out to be dishonest due to her own serious trust issues, she informed me that we would discuss it that Saturday when we had planned to go out on a date (or as I like to call it, two people going somewhere together)

and after ALL this unexpected and unnecessary drama, the ONLY thing I could think about...the ONE thing completely terrorizing my mind and body and soul was...

YOU FUCKING INTERRUPTED MY ORGASM!!!!!!!!

No one, and I mean NO ONE interrupts my orgasm. It takes me long enough as it is to cum, and I was about to break a pillow humping record for shortest time ever! That's a milestone! That's a miracle! Who is their right mind, thinks that a girl will go out with them, let ALONE sleep with them after they interrupt them sexually, start yelling at them and throwing accusations, and not to mention trying to constantly treat me as if I'm lying and holding back information from her.

I told her to fuck off, closed the chat and cam windows and angrily masturbated to finish myself off as quickly as possible. It wasn't even about pleasure at that point, it was about spite. I don't ever recall masturbating out of spite but there is a first for everything and right then and there, there was not even a single glimpse of positivity in that orgasm. Some people might consider that hot, and angry sex can have it's benefits, but in this case, if my orgasm was a weapon, it would have shot bullets like it was a machine gun.

After i finished, and cleaned up, I went out to the city and got drunk, missed my bus, stumbled to my friends place all the way in Queens that took over an hour to wake her up to let me in, and didn't sleep while leaving a mere 2 hours later to take the morning bus. Not the best of evenings but I eventually made it home and into my bed.

I fired my fuck buddy that day..over a deal breaker that should have never been broken in the first place. The moral of this story? Never interrupt an orgasm...and you shall be rewarded with multiples of your own

Currently accepting applications for new fuck buddies: Must be female, open, safe, clean, sane, and sane. Oh also a giver of orgasms and someone that knows when and when not to open there mouths. Plus I really like to watch and be watched, oh and someone who is into anal ;D

Changing your point of view can change your world...

So this past weekend (and before i went and got completely wasted every day of it) I staffed at WOW doing sound. For those of you who just thought I just used the anocrym "Whip E'm Out Wednesdays" or the ever addicting fantasy game "World Of Warcraft", you can rest assure knowing that i'm not talking about either one of them . The WOW (Women's One World) that I am affliated with is a theater that is the oldest, continuosly active working woman and trans theater in the country. It's run as an anarchy collective and people join by coming to a weekly meeting on Tuesdays and build up sweat equity so that one day they can run their own production, caberet, play etc completely on thier own without one's approval.

It's a cool concept and I have been a part of this theater for over a year now. Some members have been there for years, and many more join on a weekly basis through word of mouth. It is the extra special venue where i co-produce my monthly queer burlesque show called HyperGender Burlesque. It's a place where as an performing artist, I can thrive.

For the past three weeks, my amazing friend/producer/choreographer Ami weaved a wonderful collection of what i can only describe as poetry in motion. It was a multi-media production that married spoken word, dance, music in this incredible lithurgical arrangment. Chaos Sex Machina is the name of the production and is it truly a sensual yet incredibly moving force that really leaves you thinking afterwards. On some days it left me horny.....

After the dance portion of the show, there is an intermission followed by the "feature performer" of the evening. Magina, Our Lady Of Perpetual PMS, Lady C, Penny Pollak, Jonathan Ames, Fritz Donnelly and Courtney Weber have all lended there talents from jello wrestling matches to performance art.

and then there came the raffle....

On the first day of raffle, my true love brought to me...a vagina cast of a woman masturbating with a clit ring...

On the second day of raffle, my true love brought to me...a vagina print from artist Lady C (Abby)

I could have gone for a vibrator on the third day to complete the collection, but I think two vagina's is enough....or is it? hmmm I'm astonished that I even thought a thought like that to be honest.

The important part of what I'm writing here other than winning vagina's is that from day 2 of the raffle to day 3, I did something that I have wanted to do for the longest time. I changed my perspective. On day 2, I looked a bit something like this:

On day 3 I went from the above mentioned photo...to this

That's right folks, N here pulled a Britney Spears!

Because my look changed so drasticially, I wondered if my penchant for getting laid would as well. Would I be still considered "hot"? Would I still get hit on? Would I never be looked at again and have my life reduced to compulsive masturbation? I felt that it was important to go out and experiment to see what would happen and I decided that my best bet was to go to one of the hottest lesbian parties in Brooklyn called Choice Cunts.

I arrived past midnight and there was already a line out the door. Williamsburg is certainly a place that has no shortage of places to go party at or places of interest. I finially get in, pay my cover and head to the bar as quickly as possible. This vagina has had a rough week and was in need of drink or 5. So I drink, mingle with friends and eyed the raised platform/stage, waiting for my jack and coke to be consumed as quickly as my body can take it. Jack was definately my friend that evening.

Many girls eyed me, and i caught a few of them checking me out. I definately had an edge last night that I have never experienced before. All my friends who popped in an out throughout the night kept on saying that i looked "Fierce", which in lesbian terminology...is like a version of hot only reserved for a select few. My experiment was getting off to great start.

I noticed that my abilities to woo the same sex had not changed, but that they angle of which I was perceived did. More people had the freedom in their minds to touch my head, therefore adding an element of touch more prevelant into my flirting ways and into my life in general. Even while dancing (very dirty with some girls) later on, they would come, dance by me and touch me, much more than they would when I had pink hair. Now one could say that maybe they didn't want to touch my hair because they didn't was pink stains of their hands, and I wouldn't argue that, but shaved heads, especially when they look good on the person, adds a whole new element. People look at you differently, they see you as someone who has balls and does what they want regardless of what we are told we should look like. They see someone who is fun, free-spirted, and sexy. It is a double standard that a man shaving his head is more acceptable in society than a woman doing it....and I kinda like that...one huge slap in the face to society...one step for my pussy to soar.